"I'm perfect."

Never did two words send such a horrid chill down my spine as those two did tonight.  "I'm perfect." 

Perfect for what?!  For yourself?  For the world?  For all of the throes of women batting down your door?  You've been single how long?  Oh, 8 years...yeah...well, chances are - YOU'RE NOT PERFECT!

And why exactly did I agree to go on a date with you?!

Yes - the date started out by the guy telling me he was perfect.  I actually tried to counter balance, asking him if he meant perfectly imperfect.  Nope.  He has his shit together, lives a wonderful life and is PERFECT.  And, here Mr. Perfect are the reasons you are not perfect, from a woman batty enough not to catch on to the warning signs beforehand: 

1. You have bad teeth...unless you live in England, that's not allowed. 
2. You have two earrings, and you wear hoops. 
3. You shoo'ed the waitress.
4. You walked out on your girlfriend without giving her a reason or a response.  (Interesting share, no?)
5. You couldn't read my body language AT ALL.
6. You couldn't remember something I had repeated twice.
7. You talked over me.
8. You were late.
9. You don't drink.  (Avoid people who don't drink!!!)
10. You told me that I was going to hell for saying that drinking a glass of wine with dinner is OK.
11. You insulted me no less than 5 times about my upbringing, my job choice, my lack of a formal education, my musical abilities and my choice of a hot chocolate over coffee.
12. You started arguing with me over my opinion of not wanting to have children until I was in a stable, committed relationship - or ever. 

I'm sure that if I spent more than 20 minutes with him, I could have more to add to the list - but after giving him several chances at redeeming himself, *I* decided that I didn't like his style of "perfect" and walked out.

I need a new list of questions to ask before meeting someone because something is getting lost in translation here....or I really am a huge loser magnet!