Since when did "I'll call you tonight" become "I think I'll fall off the face of the planet and leave you hanging, thinking about what you may have done wrong while I reveal in the fact that your ego was taken down a notch or two"?
It's always been that way?
I can't put my frustration about this particular situation into words just yet...but instead, I'll share my thoughts on a dating story submitted by one of my dear friends, who is also single and has just about as much luck as I have.
So, Firecrotch (a clever nickname, if I do say so myself) is on Match.com. Now I refuse to pay for the chance to go on bad dates, so I have no idea if it's actually any better than the free ones I use - but she's been on it for a while now and she goes through boyfriends like dirty underpants, so I'm thinking NOT. However, she even admits that "A girls gotta eat" and that she's on it pretty much just meet people for free food (and the occasional sexual escapade - that's my addition...not actually admitted by Firecrotch!).
Before we delve into the date, let's all agree that my comments will be highlighted in PINK.
This guy seemed plenty nice. His profile was pretty ordinary and standard - kind of like an unimaginative cut and paste job: Drama free, new to the dating world, trying out this "internet thing..." Blah Blah Blah...
Yeah, because no one wants to admit that they've been on the same dating site for years on end. That reminds me...I should delete my account and start over since I have officially been on now for a year and am starting to look undateable. LOL
His stats, again, were average with decent looking pictures. He claimed to be 5'10'' which is an OK height.
I want to add that Firecrotch is like 5'7'' and 5'8'' but has a soft spot for shorter, kinda chubby guys, even though she's a fox. She also has a thing for greasy Italians. I tried to set her up with the Wingman once, which I thought was a good match, but she was having none of that shit and I had to drag her out of the public bathroom so she could dump him publicly.
The conversation lasted for three days...via text (ding ding ding) and we decided to grab dinner at a local restaurant...cool...I was broke anyways and he offered to pay. He was actually very nice, so I was looking forward to the date. Looking back over his profile and his noted height, I dressed to impress, including a sexy-ass pair of heels and skinny jeans.
I planned my arrival to be right on time and waited. He's late. I grab us a table and continue to wait. He waltz's in about 10 minutes late and makes no mention of why he's late. So, I ask. He says it's no big deal, but he just had to finish his beer in the car before coming in. Seriously?! You were driving with an open container and that's no big deal?
He needed to pre-game!
Then, I took a good look at him. Definitely NOT 5'10''. More like 5'5", if that. LIAR! He also had the most busted face I had ever seen on a human. He had what I affectionately call a "nomad forehead" - a forehead where the brow bone sticks out as far as his nose. Interesting ape-like profile.
Why do guys continually lie about height? Do they not think we will notice? I'm am laughing a little here though, because Firecrotch is probably a good 5-6 inches taller than this guy now, which puts him at right about eye level with her boobs. Fantastic.
Oh and the reason we didn't talk on the phone, well that would be because he had a speech impediment, which he casually brought up in case I didn't notice that it sounded like he had cotton in his mouth. I really made an attempt to have at least a drink with him even though I knew I would be bouncing before ordering dinner. After all, I didn't want to be a complete douche.
Waitress: "Can I get you anything?"
Me: "Yes please. I'll take a double of Crown and ginger."
Him: "Ouht Courssss, I'll just takke the sim."
Awesome.
I had a similar issue with a speech impediment - a bad stutter. I really didn't blog about the whole story, but found a way to get out of the situation when he revealed that he wanted kids. I then took the stance of not wanting kids - EVER - and ended the date there.
Awkward conversation continues, and more awesome facts revealed: unemployed, 30ish yr old, living at home with his parents. And for some added kick to this already stellar date...
Him: "Do you use drugs?"
me: "Ummm, yeah, no. With my job its kinda frowned upon."
Him: "Oh, well I don't really either. Just coke once and awhile, but that's no big deal."
DONE! I was done! I reached my breaking point!
Bwhahahahaha. Do his parents know and support his habit?
Then...a miracle...out of the corner of my eye, I see my friends family walked into the pub. I excused myself saying that I needed to use the bathroom - but really, this was my grand escape. I casually grabbed a $20 out of my purse and laid it on the table, which was much more than the drink I ordered and headed over to where my friend's parents were. Naturally, they told me that I could stay with them until my date left, which incidentally took 20 minutes! Yes, HE SAT THERE FOR 20 minutes!!!!! And then I think he got the hint...
Cold man. So cold. But, at least you left him some coke money.
Sad part is, he still texted me the next day. I blocked his number AND deleted my account on Match.com. I also had to buy myself dinner that night.
EPIC FAIL!!!
Firecrotch, you are a rock star. At least he wasn't married.
Showing posts with label "A Girl's Gotta Eat". Show all posts
Showing posts with label "A Girl's Gotta Eat". Show all posts
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Monday, December 19, 2011
Do these boots make me look slutty?
I sent this picture to a couple of my lady friends and asked for their opinion as to whether or not these skinny, holey jeans and boots give off an impression of sluttiness. Or rather, "non-mommy" material. We all know that women take great pains when it comes to dressing for dates, because the first impression is so vitally important. If you look hot, you feel hot and if you're feeling your date - - you might get laid!
For me, this fashion choice was a little more...strategic. You see, the dude as 7 kids.
Yes. S-E-V-E-N. From ages 4 to 23. And, he's only 39. (Do the math!) So, the overall goal was to look as "non-mommy" as possible. According to a couple of friends, the brown boots showed above were not slutty enough, so I changed into a pair of black stiletto knee high boots, and there was 100% agreement that that look was sluttier. (Which makes me think a little, because I wear those boots almost every day! OMG.)
Why did I agree to go on a date with a guy who pays child support for a basketball team? I've been on so many crappy dates recently and he seemed genuinely excited about meeting me. Nor did he approach the subject of sex during our conversations and he didn't show me his penis. And, hello. FREE BEER!
Come on. You know you were thinking it too, by now. As my friend likes to say, "a girl's gotta eat."
The date, meh. I found out that he has 3 baby-mamas to go with his commune of kids. All 3 women he married and all of the children were planned. Oh...and, he cheated on ALL of his wives with multiple partners. It's very obvious that the guy can't keep his willy in his pants (or covered with a thin barrier). For a moment, I thought that the lower portion of my outfit might work against me and make him see me as the "next mommy" but luckily he caught onto my signs of displeasure and foreseeable rejection.
This date did get me thinking. How much is *too much* to reveal? Revealing that you cheated on all of your wives throughout the duration of your marriage(s) isn't really going to show you in the best of light. I can't imagine wanting to hop right into his bed. Or, maybe - like my "non-mommy material" boots, his revelation was his way of waving his own white flag and subliminally telling me that he wasn't interested as well. No explanation needed.
Dating is all about the signals, good and bad.
On a side note - Wombat fashioned a post about sexual planning from a comment I made about one of my favorite sexual positions. I may or may not have a slight crush on Wombat. His use of the english language kinda makes me weak in the knees. Check out Kiss And Blog!
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
I thought that having a guy proof and make changes to my profile would magically make the dating...better.
Several weeks ago, I spied a hilarious interview that fellow blogger Sophie did with a gentleman named Arlequin. I thought I would ask Arlequin for some help on my internet dating profile, since what I have on there didn't seem to be doing me much good. We emailed back and forth. I revealed my identity. (Yikes!) He, kindly gave me some genuine feedback which I gladly accepted. I will say that I am not surprised that he thought I should change my picture to one that had my boobs on display!
After taking out some of my interests - "Who are you trying to attract, a woman?" - and spicing up the body of the profile with a "call to action," I unveiled the new profile for interested men.
It's hasn't done a lick of good!
My first date was with a guy who reminded me of a young John Lennon, minus the long hair. We chatted for a couple of days and then he very spur of the moment asked if I was free one night - that he wanted to buy me dinner and drinks. We chose a sports bar and met up. During the entire date, he stared at me. I totally didn't realize that I had entered a staring competition! I tried to keep the mood light, cracking jokes and telling stories, but all he did was stare. Finally, after our bill was settled I got up to leave, and he said "So...do you want to go back to your place and fuck?"
Um...no. You are a creeper. And who asks a woman that?!
Funny part in that whole story is that my phone then decided that it should suggest that I should be friends with this guy on facebook, so after knowing only his first name I then got a glimpse into why he didn't reveal (and I didn't ask) what his last name is. Tinkler. As in, taking a tinkle. The funniest part is that his first name is another word for the part that guys hold while taking a tinkle! That pretty much explains why this kid has such problems. He must have very hateful parents.
Second date was with a guy who claimed to be a photographer at our local paper. He showed up on our date with his wedding ring on display. Super! Hearing him explain his reasoning, after I called him out on it, (his wife left him 2 years ago and his daughter thinks it's his fault, so he still wears his ring for her) sent douche chills down my spine. Luckily, I didn't have to make up an excuse to leave because we had planned this date around his son's wrestling match that night, so I knew I would only have to suffer for an hour. He proceeded to take the ring off and put it in his pocket, even after I told him that he didn't have to - I mean, when you return home after your date, and you've lost your wedding ring, you will certainly be forced to eat shit.
After saying "so long, have a great life" I continued to get emails from him into the wee hours of the morning that went unanswered on my end.
The next day, around lunchtime I got this from him, and I quote..."Hey listen. I had a great time and your such a great girl. I now realize that I am not ready to move on at this point. I may never be. I am sorry but I can not date any one at this time. I need to work out many issues in my life and I can not get involved with anyone. Take care and good luck. Your a great catch. Don't settle for just any guy!"
I immediately replied with "Hard to date anyone when you have a wife at home." As soon as I clicked the send button, the email bounced back to me with a MAILER-DAEMON failure saying the email was inactive. He then deleted his online profile. That's a lot of hoops to jump through just to try to cheat on your wife. You might as well just pay for a hooker. I'm not even too upset that I was lied to and all that bullshit - I'm much more angry about the fact that he thinks that I may "settle for just any guy." Dude, if that was the case then I'd probably be married with a bunch of kids right now, just like...ummm....YOU.
Third time's a charm? I'm totally using "air quotes" on this one, because it's hardly a "date" but for the sake of this "post," we'll just "call it that." After the married guy, I started chatting with some other dude who was closer to my age and had all the superficial requirements that I look for - tall, dark, successful. We spoke on the phone a couple of times and after a long day at work, he asked me to meet him out at Starbucks. I didn't want to. I hadn't showered that day and I really didn't feel like socializing, but he was persistent about wanting to meet me, so I quickly showered, got my act together and put on a happy face. He was waiting in his car (a Lexus) when I got there and got out to greet me in the parking lot.
The exchange went a little something like this:
Me: Hi xxx! Nice to meet you.
Him: You too...it's so great to now have a face to put with a name.
Me: So, do you want to go inside and get a coffee?
Him: I can not drink another cup of coffee today.
Me: (in my head) So, why the fuck did you ask me to come out tonight and waste my time?!
Him: I just wanted to see your face.
Me: OK then. I'm going to head home.
Him: Maybe we can get together on Tuesday and go out for a nice dinner.
Me: Yeah, we'll see.
Him: It was really nice to meet you.
Me: Yup.
I got back into my car, a mere 60 seconds later and drove home. No more than 3 minutes passed when I got a text from him asking if I wanted to come over his house to watch a movie. I declined. He responded that he thought I was pretty, but he didn't want to invest any more time in chatting without seeing if I actually represented myself correctly.
I get it. I really do. I remember how I felt when I met that guy who misrepresented himself so severely that I almost threw up in my mouth. But, if I passed your little attractiveness test, then you should have just agreed to go inside the coffee shop for a few moments to get to know me a little better! Instead, you were looking for some kind of messed up booty call.
As much as I would like to say that I am done with internet dating, I still have the hope that someone will come into my life and surprise the hell out of me. Until then, I have two words that keep me going...BLOG FODDER.
Oh, and I changed my profile again to reflect more about me and my personality since trying it Arlequin's way was a huge fail. :)
After taking out some of my interests - "Who are you trying to attract, a woman?" - and spicing up the body of the profile with a "call to action," I unveiled the new profile for interested men.
It's hasn't done a lick of good!
My first date was with a guy who reminded me of a young John Lennon, minus the long hair. We chatted for a couple of days and then he very spur of the moment asked if I was free one night - that he wanted to buy me dinner and drinks. We chose a sports bar and met up. During the entire date, he stared at me. I totally didn't realize that I had entered a staring competition! I tried to keep the mood light, cracking jokes and telling stories, but all he did was stare. Finally, after our bill was settled I got up to leave, and he said "So...do you want to go back to your place and fuck?"
Um...no. You are a creeper. And who asks a woman that?!
Funny part in that whole story is that my phone then decided that it should suggest that I should be friends with this guy on facebook, so after knowing only his first name I then got a glimpse into why he didn't reveal (and I didn't ask) what his last name is. Tinkler. As in, taking a tinkle. The funniest part is that his first name is another word for the part that guys hold while taking a tinkle! That pretty much explains why this kid has such problems. He must have very hateful parents.
Second date was with a guy who claimed to be a photographer at our local paper. He showed up on our date with his wedding ring on display. Super! Hearing him explain his reasoning, after I called him out on it, (his wife left him 2 years ago and his daughter thinks it's his fault, so he still wears his ring for her) sent douche chills down my spine. Luckily, I didn't have to make up an excuse to leave because we had planned this date around his son's wrestling match that night, so I knew I would only have to suffer for an hour. He proceeded to take the ring off and put it in his pocket, even after I told him that he didn't have to - I mean, when you return home after your date, and you've lost your wedding ring, you will certainly be forced to eat shit.
After saying "so long, have a great life" I continued to get emails from him into the wee hours of the morning that went unanswered on my end.
The next day, around lunchtime I got this from him, and I quote..."Hey listen. I had a great time and your such a great girl. I now realize that I am not ready to move on at this point. I may never be. I am sorry but I can not date any one at this time. I need to work out many issues in my life and I can not get involved with anyone. Take care and good luck. Your a great catch. Don't settle for just any guy!"
I immediately replied with "Hard to date anyone when you have a wife at home." As soon as I clicked the send button, the email bounced back to me with a MAILER-DAEMON failure saying the email was inactive. He then deleted his online profile. That's a lot of hoops to jump through just to try to cheat on your wife. You might as well just pay for a hooker. I'm not even too upset that I was lied to and all that bullshit - I'm much more angry about the fact that he thinks that I may "settle for just any guy." Dude, if that was the case then I'd probably be married with a bunch of kids right now, just like...ummm....YOU.
Third time's a charm? I'm totally using "air quotes" on this one, because it's hardly a "date" but for the sake of this "post," we'll just "call it that." After the married guy, I started chatting with some other dude who was closer to my age and had all the superficial requirements that I look for - tall, dark, successful. We spoke on the phone a couple of times and after a long day at work, he asked me to meet him out at Starbucks. I didn't want to. I hadn't showered that day and I really didn't feel like socializing, but he was persistent about wanting to meet me, so I quickly showered, got my act together and put on a happy face. He was waiting in his car (a Lexus) when I got there and got out to greet me in the parking lot.
The exchange went a little something like this:
Me: Hi xxx! Nice to meet you.
Him: You too...it's so great to now have a face to put with a name.
Me: So, do you want to go inside and get a coffee?
Him: I can not drink another cup of coffee today.
Me: (in my head) So, why the fuck did you ask me to come out tonight and waste my time?!
Him: I just wanted to see your face.
Me: OK then. I'm going to head home.
Him: Maybe we can get together on Tuesday and go out for a nice dinner.
Me: Yeah, we'll see.
Him: It was really nice to meet you.
Me: Yup.
I got back into my car, a mere 60 seconds later and drove home. No more than 3 minutes passed when I got a text from him asking if I wanted to come over his house to watch a movie. I declined. He responded that he thought I was pretty, but he didn't want to invest any more time in chatting without seeing if I actually represented myself correctly.
I get it. I really do. I remember how I felt when I met that guy who misrepresented himself so severely that I almost threw up in my mouth. But, if I passed your little attractiveness test, then you should have just agreed to go inside the coffee shop for a few moments to get to know me a little better! Instead, you were looking for some kind of messed up booty call.
As much as I would like to say that I am done with internet dating, I still have the hope that someone will come into my life and surprise the hell out of me. Until then, I have two words that keep me going...BLOG FODDER.
Oh, and I changed my profile again to reflect more about me and my personality since trying it Arlequin's way was a huge fail. :)
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Is a free meal worth the price of a bad date?
Causal dating, in general, makes me feel like a whore. (And the fact that this subject is coming after my last post of true whore-like behavior says something.)
Yesterday, I was challenged to "be spontaneous" and meet some guy who was flirting with me all day, out for dinner and drinks at the restaurant of my choice. He had all the warning signs of being a bad date - no profile picture, an out of the area hometown, the fact that he listed his relationship status as separated and is not looking for a relationship of any kind with an intention to hang out. Basically, the dude is looking to get laid. His replies to my basic questions gave me douche chills, in a very bad way, and I was just about to block him from my life forever when...
...my stomach growled.
Yep, you heard that right.
My decision to go on this date was purely based on wanting to eat on someone else's dime. Yes, I am using random guys for dinner and beer.
It pulls at my insides a little that women can get away with such bullshit and men (usually) can't. Truth of the matter is, I feel like a total whore without the sex (unless he's hot, and I'm unusually horny, my place is clean and my legs are shaved. Hey...it's been known to happen once, or twice - and couple other times, which I haven't written about - with mixed results).
Does it make it any better that I will always pick a pub that has cheap, but tasty, food and drink? How about the fact that I will do my best to not only enjoy myself, but make sure that the guy is laughing and feeling comfortable as well? How about the fact that I do keep an open mind and will accept another date, if the guy exceeds my relatively low expectation that I have of him - because you never know where the love lightening will strike? Or that I almost always offer to split the bill, unless the guy is a total asshat - which in that case...the $20 you just spent on me was totally earned. How about that I always offer up a very genuine "thank you" and close contact hug at our parting, if I don't take him home and hump his brains out?
I also happen to wonder when the act of getting to know someone over food and drink became an invitation, or expectation, for sex? Should I really feel badly that someone is shelling out $20 bucks to spend time with me?! He has to eat too!!! I'm doing him a favor, so he doesn't have to dine alone! (And, maybe cockblocking him from someone who will fuck a tard on the first date.) And really...if I am going to allow that - you better believe I would be ordering the filet mignon and not a burger!
Last night's date wasn't horrible. He did make me laugh, but there was no physical attraction. I was upfront and did tell him that he wouldn't be getting in my pants - which did make him chuckle and admit that the thought had entered his mind from the moment that we started chatting via email. At the end of the date, he told me that he would text me the next time he was in town. I gently reminded him that I didn't give him my number, so he'd have to continue to use the dating site to contact me. We hugged, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek, thanked him for dinner and we went our separate ways.
Yesterday, I was challenged to "be spontaneous" and meet some guy who was flirting with me all day, out for dinner and drinks at the restaurant of my choice. He had all the warning signs of being a bad date - no profile picture, an out of the area hometown, the fact that he listed his relationship status as separated and is not looking for a relationship of any kind with an intention to hang out. Basically, the dude is looking to get laid. His replies to my basic questions gave me douche chills, in a very bad way, and I was just about to block him from my life forever when...
...my stomach growled.
Yep, you heard that right.
My decision to go on this date was purely based on wanting to eat on someone else's dime. Yes, I am using random guys for dinner and beer.
It pulls at my insides a little that women can get away with such bullshit and men (usually) can't. Truth of the matter is, I feel like a total whore without the sex (unless he's hot, and I'm unusually horny, my place is clean and my legs are shaved. Hey...it's been known to happen once, or twice - and couple other times, which I haven't written about - with mixed results).
Does it make it any better that I will always pick a pub that has cheap, but tasty, food and drink? How about the fact that I will do my best to not only enjoy myself, but make sure that the guy is laughing and feeling comfortable as well? How about the fact that I do keep an open mind and will accept another date, if the guy exceeds my relatively low expectation that I have of him - because you never know where the love lightening will strike? Or that I almost always offer to split the bill, unless the guy is a total asshat - which in that case...the $20 you just spent on me was totally earned. How about that I always offer up a very genuine "thank you" and close contact hug at our parting, if I don't take him home and hump his brains out?
I also happen to wonder when the act of getting to know someone over food and drink became an invitation, or expectation, for sex? Should I really feel badly that someone is shelling out $20 bucks to spend time with me?! He has to eat too!!! I'm doing him a favor, so he doesn't have to dine alone! (And, maybe cockblocking him from someone who will fuck a tard on the first date.) And really...if I am going to allow that - you better believe I would be ordering the filet mignon and not a burger!
Last night's date wasn't horrible. He did make me laugh, but there was no physical attraction. I was upfront and did tell him that he wouldn't be getting in my pants - which did make him chuckle and admit that the thought had entered his mind from the moment that we started chatting via email. At the end of the date, he told me that he would text me the next time he was in town. I gently reminded him that I didn't give him my number, so he'd have to continue to use the dating site to contact me. We hugged, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek, thanked him for dinner and we went our separate ways.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
So, yeah...I did jinx myself (*hmmm...maybe not)
(The first of this post was written on 6/20 and I shelved it because I've been so busy. Since last night, there have been some new developments, so I decided to pick up where I left off and make this some kind of running commentary, which I'm sure will end as all the others have - badly.)
The guy who I thought was so great? Kind of a douchebag. Of course, not the initial impression he gave me or the last he tried to leave me with, but a complete self-centered douche just the same.
The message I received via text: "I like certain things and I want to meet someone who shares the same so I don't have to ask or change anything they don't want to. I'm just looking for my perfect match."
My GOODNESS Miz Adventures! Did you punch a baby in his presence? Kick a puppy? What in the world is he talking about?
Pubes.
A red flag was raised after our initial meeting when the topic of public hair came up, which I noted on here. Let's not discuss how slightly inappropriate such conversation is on the first date because I think I was the one who inquired about his body hair - though, in my defense it was centered around the chest and not the nether-regions.
It is true that I love guys to be natural. Shaved balls aren't my thing. In my humble opinion, the only place on a guy where there should be stubble, is on their face. However, after saying that, I have never turned my nose up in the heat of the moment when seeing a completely bare-down-there guy. I get that even if it's not my thing, it might be there's. Some guys (falsely) believe that they look bigger if they're shaved. I've heard others say that sex feels better and is more sanitary - but really, sex isn't supposed to be sanitary...it's supposed to be messy and uninhibited and fun. I don't really need the excuses or justifications from the male species. If you prefer it, you prefer it...case closed. However, if you're going to use my own personal hair style as a way to end something, it's probably best that happen up front, because I don't want to waste my time on you...better yet, I'll make it easy for you. You're a superficial douche.
Disclaimer for my actual real-life friends...you may want to skip down a paragraph or you will read all about my private parts. Starting NOW...I sport a small triangle on top, and no hair anywhere else. My triangle is probably an inch wide and is trimmed pretty close so that it's actually just a shadow. I've been bare before and for some reason each time I became so self conscience that I couldn't relax and enjoy myself. My triangle makes me feel like a fucking sexy woman and for some reason gives me an extreme amount of confidence.
However, that being said - if I found the right guy, and he asked me to take it all off, I would. It's not a fight worth fighting. I'm a pleaser and I would do just about anything to make my man happy, as I'm sure he would do to return the favor to me. But, I'm not going to jump the gun and change myself for someone who just wants a bare girl.
Just for shits and giggles, I emailed Claudy, a man who's dating blog I enjoy because I wanted a male perspective, other than the Pube-Nazi's. His response? "To me one of the key philosophies in life is the freedom of the individual and their right to self-government. And I can't really think of anything more private and sacrosanct than your body, especially the private parts. That's why they're called PRIVATE PARTS! :D Showing them and sharing them with someone should be seen as a huge privilege and honour by the other person. So you can probably guess how I see demands made by other people involving your private parts. I think if a person makes implicit demands about them, it just shows how shallow they are."
Well said, case closed in my book. And, for the record - the Pube-Nazi never even saw my lower private parts, although I did see his. *wink, wink*
"I hope you find her." My simple, slightly passive-aggressive response to which there was no reply back from him.
I did say case closed, right? Well, like about 95% of the men I have met on-line, he came back. Men (and women - I'm guilty of this myself) are always looking for someone better, especially when there's such a large sea of people to fish for. Don't get me wrong, it's quite an ego booster to know that yeah...you had me at hello for the most part, and fucked it up. I'm a special kind of woman because I'm normal and not a psycho. Sometimes, I ignore the little messages telling me how great, beautiful, normal, funny, etc. they think I am - because, let's face it, most don't even know me well enough to say anything deeper. Sometimes, I play into it. Like last night, around midnight.
Him: "Hey beautiful, I like the new picture. You are so smart and pretty. I'm sure you're doing quite OK in the men department. I really wanted you that last night we were together."
Me: "Oh really? Your last text message didn't indicate that."
Him: "Can we try again?"
I'm super physically attracted to this guy. Like, thinking about him makes my heart beat faster and causes me to have to change my panties, even though I now know he's a total douchebag. I want to sleep with him. There, I said it. And, the thing is...I kind of only want to sleep with him because I know I don't want any kind of relationship with him. I just want to give him a great night of mind-blowing sex, then leave while he's sleeping and have that be his last memory of me.
Yes, I've gone all black widow.
Stay tuned.
The guy who I thought was so great? Kind of a douchebag. Of course, not the initial impression he gave me or the last he tried to leave me with, but a complete self-centered douche just the same.
The message I received via text: "I like certain things and I want to meet someone who shares the same so I don't have to ask or change anything they don't want to. I'm just looking for my perfect match."
My GOODNESS Miz Adventures! Did you punch a baby in his presence? Kick a puppy? What in the world is he talking about?
Pubes.
A red flag was raised after our initial meeting when the topic of public hair came up, which I noted on here. Let's not discuss how slightly inappropriate such conversation is on the first date because I think I was the one who inquired about his body hair - though, in my defense it was centered around the chest and not the nether-regions.
It is true that I love guys to be natural. Shaved balls aren't my thing. In my humble opinion, the only place on a guy where there should be stubble, is on their face. However, after saying that, I have never turned my nose up in the heat of the moment when seeing a completely bare-down-there guy. I get that even if it's not my thing, it might be there's. Some guys (falsely) believe that they look bigger if they're shaved. I've heard others say that sex feels better and is more sanitary - but really, sex isn't supposed to be sanitary...it's supposed to be messy and uninhibited and fun. I don't really need the excuses or justifications from the male species. If you prefer it, you prefer it...case closed. However, if you're going to use my own personal hair style as a way to end something, it's probably best that happen up front, because I don't want to waste my time on you...better yet, I'll make it easy for you. You're a superficial douche.
Disclaimer for my actual real-life friends...you may want to skip down a paragraph or you will read all about my private parts. Starting NOW...I sport a small triangle on top, and no hair anywhere else. My triangle is probably an inch wide and is trimmed pretty close so that it's actually just a shadow. I've been bare before and for some reason each time I became so self conscience that I couldn't relax and enjoy myself. My triangle makes me feel like a fucking sexy woman and for some reason gives me an extreme amount of confidence.
However, that being said - if I found the right guy, and he asked me to take it all off, I would. It's not a fight worth fighting. I'm a pleaser and I would do just about anything to make my man happy, as I'm sure he would do to return the favor to me. But, I'm not going to jump the gun and change myself for someone who just wants a bare girl.
Just for shits and giggles, I emailed Claudy, a man who's dating blog I enjoy because I wanted a male perspective, other than the Pube-Nazi's. His response? "To me one of the key philosophies in life is the freedom of the individual and their right to self-government. And I can't really think of anything more private and sacrosanct than your body, especially the private parts. That's why they're called PRIVATE PARTS! :D Showing them and sharing them with someone should be seen as a huge privilege and honour by the other person. So you can probably guess how I see demands made by other people involving your private parts. I think if a person makes implicit demands about them, it just shows how shallow they are."
Well said, case closed in my book. And, for the record - the Pube-Nazi never even saw my lower private parts, although I did see his. *wink, wink*
"I hope you find her." My simple, slightly passive-aggressive response to which there was no reply back from him.
I did say case closed, right? Well, like about 95% of the men I have met on-line, he came back. Men (and women - I'm guilty of this myself) are always looking for someone better, especially when there's such a large sea of people to fish for. Don't get me wrong, it's quite an ego booster to know that yeah...you had me at hello for the most part, and fucked it up. I'm a special kind of woman because I'm normal and not a psycho. Sometimes, I ignore the little messages telling me how great, beautiful, normal, funny, etc. they think I am - because, let's face it, most don't even know me well enough to say anything deeper. Sometimes, I play into it. Like last night, around midnight.
Him: "Hey beautiful, I like the new picture. You are so smart and pretty. I'm sure you're doing quite OK in the men department. I really wanted you that last night we were together."
Me: "Oh really? Your last text message didn't indicate that."
Him: "Can we try again?"
I'm super physically attracted to this guy. Like, thinking about him makes my heart beat faster and causes me to have to change my panties, even though I now know he's a total douchebag. I want to sleep with him. There, I said it. And, the thing is...I kind of only want to sleep with him because I know I don't want any kind of relationship with him. I just want to give him a great night of mind-blowing sex, then leave while he's sleeping and have that be his last memory of me.
Yes, I've gone all black widow.
Stay tuned.
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