Causal dating, in general, makes me feel like a whore. (And the fact that this subject is coming after my last post of true whore-like behavior says something.)
Yesterday, I was challenged to "be spontaneous" and meet some guy who was flirting with me all day, out for dinner and drinks at the restaurant of my choice. He had all the warning signs of being a bad date - no profile picture, an out of the area hometown, the fact that he listed his relationship status as separated and is not looking for a relationship of any kind with an intention to hang out. Basically, the dude is looking to get laid. His replies to my basic questions gave me douche chills, in a very bad way, and I was just about to block him from my life forever when...
...my stomach growled.
Yep, you heard that right.
My decision to go on this date was purely based on wanting to eat on someone else's dime. Yes, I am using random guys for dinner and beer.
It pulls at my insides a little that women can get away with such bullshit and men (usually) can't. Truth of the matter is, I feel like a total whore without the sex (unless he's hot, and I'm unusually horny, my place is clean and my legs are shaved. Hey...it's been known to happen once, or twice - and couple other times, which I haven't written about - with mixed results).
Does it make it any better that I will always pick a pub that has cheap, but tasty, food and drink? How about the fact that I will do my best to not only enjoy myself, but make sure that the guy is laughing and feeling comfortable as well? How about the fact that I do keep an open mind and will accept another date, if the guy exceeds my relatively low expectation that I have of him - because you never know where the love lightening will strike? Or that I almost always offer to split the bill, unless the guy is a total asshat - which in that case...the $20 you just spent on me was totally earned. How about that I always offer up a very genuine "thank you" and close contact hug at our parting, if I don't take him home and hump his brains out?
I also happen to wonder when the act of getting to know someone over food and drink became an invitation, or expectation, for sex? Should I really feel badly that someone is shelling out $20 bucks to spend time with me?! He has to eat too!!! I'm doing him a favor, so he doesn't have to dine alone! (And, maybe cockblocking him from someone who will fuck a tard on the first date.) And really...if I am going to allow that - you better believe I would be ordering the filet mignon and not a burger!
Last night's date wasn't horrible. He did make me laugh, but there was no physical attraction. I was upfront and did tell him that he wouldn't be getting in my pants - which did make him chuckle and admit that the thought had entered his mind from the moment that we started chatting via email. At the end of the date, he told me that he would text me the next time he was in town. I gently reminded him that I didn't give him my number, so he'd have to continue to use the dating site to contact me. We hugged, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek, thanked him for dinner and we went our separate ways.
Don't beat yourself up. I think the problem is that some guys expect to get laid for $20. Personally I date women I like, pay for the drinks or meal, whatever, as a duty. It is of course nice if she offers to split the bill, but if I didn't expect to pay, I wouldn't be there.
ReplyDeleteYou put too much value on money. I wouldn't expect to pay every date, but is it that big a deal to pay for the first one? I'd buy a new shirt for a date perhaps($x), spruce myself up and maybe have a haircut(+$x) and paying for the meal is just part of the impression making process.
Walking home thinking "Bitch put me out $20 and didn't put out!" isn't part of the process... or shouldn't be anyway.