So, after mulling over an email to the Fucktard in response to his assholish behavior, I sent this simple message via his internet dating profile:
"It's very clear to me that you made your decision in whether you would like to see me again. For me, hindsight is 20/20 and I wish I had made a different decision when sleeping with you. I wish you the very best in your future ventures. Take Care."
I always try to be nice...but the 20/20 dig made me smile a little.
The Fucktard contacted me last night. I heard my phone ringing from across the apartment so, as per my usual self, I ran to it only to be grossed out with the face on the screen. I "declined" to answer and sent him to voicemail, then forgot about it and went about my nightly business.
A couple of hours later, I got a text message from him. It was all cheery and light. This really does chap my ass. How dare he? I didn't respond to him, but he continued to send me texts throughout the night - including offering to help me move this weekend.*
What I am learning is that guys hate to be dumped, especially when they felt they had the upper hand. It's totally OK for this guy to ignore me for days, then when I make a decision and say "goodbye" he's suddenly all up in my grill? I'm fairly certain that if I were to just have continued to let things be as they were (ie: no contact), I still would be waiting to hear from him.
This reminds me of my friend who claims that men LIKE to be treated like shit. I think it's that whole hunter mentality.
*Disclaimer: I'm seriously considering caving in and letting him help. I have big furniture and having a guy's muscles there would really come in handy. However, this would mean I would have to put the past behind us (not IN my behind!) and subsequently, allow him to see where my new place is. Not sure if that all is worth the manpower I would get out of it.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
An officer and a...gentleman?
Two weeks ago I started fielding messages from a guy who not only didn't have a picture, but also didn't have much to say on his profile. When those faced with those two none-specific things, I mentally ignore. He kept coming at me unrelentlessly until one day he enclosed a picture of himself along with "now that you see me, can you please let me take you out on a date?"
Fact of the matter was...he was cute. Very cute in fact. I did reply with an apology for not sending a reply and seeming like a snob - but as a rule of thumb I don't interact with those I can not "see," and therefore, since he sent me his picture, we could now converse. LOL. We did. It was fun. He ended up being a really nice guy.
He asked me out to dinner on a Friday and I suggested drinks instead. I'm not sure why, because I like to eat! I think that in the back of my head I thought that he may be too good to be true. Funny, isn't it? I didn't even meet him yet and I was already stacking the cards against him. What I need to realize is that a girl's instincts are never wrong. Never. But, more on that later.
Our date was fun. We sat in a booth and talked for hours. He's a military guy which makes him very serious and it became my mission to try to get him to crack a smile. I succeeded! A couple of times! I know that I am a good flirt, especially when it comes to situations that are one-on-one, but I was really feeling an instant attraction to this guy. He kept touching my hand on top of the table and played with the ring on my finger. And, you know what? It felt GOOD. There was no subconscious comparison going on. My phone was buried in my purse, on silent and I didn't even check it once! Even when he went to the bathroom and left me at our booth alone! I seriously didn't want the date to end, but like every bar in this town, they called "last call" as soon as we really started to talk about the deep stuff.
He walked me to my car. We kissed. He invited me over to his jeep and we talked a little bit more then made out a lot! I *almost* invited him over that night, but was a good girl. LOL
On the way home, he texted.
As I crawled into bed, he texted.
When I woke up in the morning, he texted.
All weekend long, we were texting. He told me that he felt a really strong connection with me and that he was excited to what the future would hold.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I would wake up to a text at 4am (the start of his workday).
On Wednesday I asked him if he wanted to grab a bite to eat. We did. And followed the meal up with a couple of cocktails. I threw caution to the wind and invited him over and I let biology take over. There was (good) sex, snuggling, kissing at the door on my stoop and a date planned for the next Friday - two days away, to go to the drive-in for a three movie marathon the last weekend they were opened.
And, then I didn't hear from him.
So, basically...I gave it up too quickly. He obviously got what he was after.
Friday afternoon he texted me and told me that he was sick. I asked him what was wrong and didn't get a response. That's considered a stand up, in my humble opinion. I didn't hear from him again until Sunday night, when he revealed that he had strep throat. It's really hard not to feel sorry for someone who has strep because that is one nasty sickness. I was concerned for him and tried to convey that - but really in the back of mind I was thinking "Dude. Strep throat doesn't stop your fingers from texting!" Am I wrong to admit that I was angry and disappointed that he didn't even contact me? Am I wrong to admit that I started questioning myself as a woman with feelings because this seemingly happened after we fucked? You don't fuck a girl, then not call her and think that feelings won't be destroyed, regardless if you were sick or not, unless you're a total asshole, right?!
This guy went from sweetness to fucktard in a couple of days.
Instincts...I'm listening to you from now on because honestly, my heart just can't take it anymore.
Fact of the matter was...he was cute. Very cute in fact. I did reply with an apology for not sending a reply and seeming like a snob - but as a rule of thumb I don't interact with those I can not "see," and therefore, since he sent me his picture, we could now converse. LOL. We did. It was fun. He ended up being a really nice guy.
He asked me out to dinner on a Friday and I suggested drinks instead. I'm not sure why, because I like to eat! I think that in the back of my head I thought that he may be too good to be true. Funny, isn't it? I didn't even meet him yet and I was already stacking the cards against him. What I need to realize is that a girl's instincts are never wrong. Never. But, more on that later.
Our date was fun. We sat in a booth and talked for hours. He's a military guy which makes him very serious and it became my mission to try to get him to crack a smile. I succeeded! A couple of times! I know that I am a good flirt, especially when it comes to situations that are one-on-one, but I was really feeling an instant attraction to this guy. He kept touching my hand on top of the table and played with the ring on my finger. And, you know what? It felt GOOD. There was no subconscious comparison going on. My phone was buried in my purse, on silent and I didn't even check it once! Even when he went to the bathroom and left me at our booth alone! I seriously didn't want the date to end, but like every bar in this town, they called "last call" as soon as we really started to talk about the deep stuff.
He walked me to my car. We kissed. He invited me over to his jeep and we talked a little bit more then made out a lot! I *almost* invited him over that night, but was a good girl. LOL
On the way home, he texted.
As I crawled into bed, he texted.
When I woke up in the morning, he texted.
All weekend long, we were texting. He told me that he felt a really strong connection with me and that he was excited to what the future would hold.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, I would wake up to a text at 4am (the start of his workday).
On Wednesday I asked him if he wanted to grab a bite to eat. We did. And followed the meal up with a couple of cocktails. I threw caution to the wind and invited him over and I let biology take over. There was (good) sex, snuggling, kissing at the door on my stoop and a date planned for the next Friday - two days away, to go to the drive-in for a three movie marathon the last weekend they were opened.
And, then I didn't hear from him.
So, basically...I gave it up too quickly. He obviously got what he was after.
Friday afternoon he texted me and told me that he was sick. I asked him what was wrong and didn't get a response. That's considered a stand up, in my humble opinion. I didn't hear from him again until Sunday night, when he revealed that he had strep throat. It's really hard not to feel sorry for someone who has strep because that is one nasty sickness. I was concerned for him and tried to convey that - but really in the back of mind I was thinking "Dude. Strep throat doesn't stop your fingers from texting!" Am I wrong to admit that I was angry and disappointed that he didn't even contact me? Am I wrong to admit that I started questioning myself as a woman with feelings because this seemingly happened after we fucked? You don't fuck a girl, then not call her and think that feelings won't be destroyed, regardless if you were sick or not, unless you're a total asshole, right?!
This guy went from sweetness to fucktard in a couple of days.
Instincts...I'm listening to you from now on because honestly, my heart just can't take it anymore.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Reflection
A couple of weeks ago I met a lawyer after work for dinner and drinks. It was a lovely date...a beautiful restaurant, nice bottle of wine, interesting conversation and a sweet kiss at the end. The guy is semi accomplished as a bankruptcy lawyer, is well spoken and looks a lot like Matt Damon from some angles, but as the weeks passed I realized that...I just wasn't into him.
He didn't do anything particularly creepy. He wasn't too aggressive or forward. I'm simply not attracted to him.
I find myself in these situations quite often. Guys look great on paper, and then I meet them and there's absolutely no spark, either mentally or physically or both. It's frustrating, and it's hard to talk to my friends about it because I get accused of being too picky and not giving people a chance. I often worry about that because I am quick to move on to the next prospect. I'm trusting my insticts...but I'm also making a mental comparison against these seemingly good guys.
I have what I consider a "perfect man" (for me) in my head. My ultimate boyfriend, let's say. When I think of this imaginary person, I actually envision a face of someone who is very special to me...a guy who I've been involved with for three years now...a guy who is married and never leaving his wife. It's true. I compare potential suitors to a man that will never actually be my suitor because he's what makes me feel like a million bucks when times are good. Even though he has several issues of his own (besides being a married man who cheats) I still have a hard time looking past that and seeing other guys for who they are, or may become over time.
When I started dating my ex many moons ago, I was not immediately in love with him. He was fun, and funny and could hold a conversation even though he couldn't retain said conversation worth shit! As we hung out more I could feel myself falling for him. I know that is the natural progression of things, and yet now...I can't seem to get through that second date without wanting to run for the hills.
I wonder if I am actually ready for a relationship or if I'm just dating to date because society tells me that every woman should have a man? I wonder if I continue to have this relationship with someone who in unattainable because I know subconsciencely that I don't have to worry about being his girlfriend and all the stress that comes from that. It's like I'm attached...but not. I still have someone asking me how my day was and being attentive to my physical needs, yet not have to ask permission or justify the time I spend with my friends. Unfortunately, the catch 22 is that I do want someone to spend holidays with, bring home to meet mom and spend my nights with.
Thinking about all of this is quite frustrating and eye opening. I don't really like that person that I seem to have become. That girl who is easily satisfied with having a long term affair. That girl who lies to herself that it's totally OK - because it's not. I want and deserve more, but I'm not letting myself have it.
Sigh.
He didn't do anything particularly creepy. He wasn't too aggressive or forward. I'm simply not attracted to him.
I find myself in these situations quite often. Guys look great on paper, and then I meet them and there's absolutely no spark, either mentally or physically or both. It's frustrating, and it's hard to talk to my friends about it because I get accused of being too picky and not giving people a chance. I often worry about that because I am quick to move on to the next prospect. I'm trusting my insticts...but I'm also making a mental comparison against these seemingly good guys.
I have what I consider a "perfect man" (for me) in my head. My ultimate boyfriend, let's say. When I think of this imaginary person, I actually envision a face of someone who is very special to me...a guy who I've been involved with for three years now...a guy who is married and never leaving his wife. It's true. I compare potential suitors to a man that will never actually be my suitor because he's what makes me feel like a million bucks when times are good. Even though he has several issues of his own (besides being a married man who cheats) I still have a hard time looking past that and seeing other guys for who they are, or may become over time.
When I started dating my ex many moons ago, I was not immediately in love with him. He was fun, and funny and could hold a conversation even though he couldn't retain said conversation worth shit! As we hung out more I could feel myself falling for him. I know that is the natural progression of things, and yet now...I can't seem to get through that second date without wanting to run for the hills.
I wonder if I am actually ready for a relationship or if I'm just dating to date because society tells me that every woman should have a man? I wonder if I continue to have this relationship with someone who in unattainable because I know subconsciencely that I don't have to worry about being his girlfriend and all the stress that comes from that. It's like I'm attached...but not. I still have someone asking me how my day was and being attentive to my physical needs, yet not have to ask permission or justify the time I spend with my friends. Unfortunately, the catch 22 is that I do want someone to spend holidays with, bring home to meet mom and spend my nights with.
Thinking about all of this is quite frustrating and eye opening. I don't really like that person that I seem to have become. That girl who is easily satisfied with having a long term affair. That girl who lies to herself that it's totally OK - because it's not. I want and deserve more, but I'm not letting myself have it.
Sigh.
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