After taking out some of my interests - "Who are you trying to attract, a woman?" - and spicing up the body of the profile with a "call to action," I unveiled the new profile for interested men.
It's hasn't done a lick of good!
My first date was with a guy who reminded me of a young John Lennon, minus the long hair. We chatted for a couple of days and then he very spur of the moment asked if I was free one night - that he wanted to buy me dinner and drinks. We chose a sports bar and met up. During the entire date, he stared at me. I totally didn't realize that I had entered a staring competition! I tried to keep the mood light, cracking jokes and telling stories, but all he did was stare. Finally, after our bill was settled I got up to leave, and he said "So...do you want to go back to your place and fuck?"
Um...no. You are a creeper. And who asks a woman that?!
Funny part in that whole story is that my phone then decided that it should suggest that I should be friends with this guy on facebook, so after knowing only his first name I then got a glimpse into why he didn't reveal (and I didn't ask) what his last name is. Tinkler. As in, taking a tinkle. The funniest part is that his first name is another word for the part that guys hold while taking a tinkle! That pretty much explains why this kid has such problems. He must have very hateful parents.
Second date was with a guy who claimed to be a photographer at our local paper. He showed up on our date with his wedding ring on display. Super! Hearing him explain his reasoning, after I called him out on it, (his wife left him 2 years ago and his daughter thinks it's his fault, so he still wears his ring for her) sent douche chills down my spine. Luckily, I didn't have to make up an excuse to leave because we had planned this date around his son's wrestling match that night, so I knew I would only have to suffer for an hour. He proceeded to take the ring off and put it in his pocket, even after I told him that he didn't have to - I mean, when you return home after your date, and you've lost your wedding ring, you will certainly be forced to eat shit.
After saying "so long, have a great life" I continued to get emails from him into the wee hours of the morning that went unanswered on my end.
The next day, around lunchtime I got this from him, and I quote..."Hey listen. I had a great time and your such a great girl. I now realize that I am not ready to move on at this point. I may never be. I am sorry but I can not date any one at this time. I need to work out many issues in my life and I can not get involved with anyone. Take care and good luck. Your a great catch. Don't settle for just any guy!"
I immediately replied with "Hard to date anyone when you have a wife at home." As soon as I clicked the send button, the email bounced back to me with a MAILER-DAEMON failure saying the email was inactive. He then deleted his online profile. That's a lot of hoops to jump through just to try to cheat on your wife. You might as well just pay for a hooker. I'm not even too upset that I was lied to and all that bullshit - I'm much more angry about the fact that he thinks that I may "settle for just any guy." Dude, if that was the case then I'd probably be married with a bunch of kids right now, just like...ummm....YOU.
Third time's a charm? I'm totally using "air quotes" on this one, because it's hardly a "date" but for the sake of this "post," we'll just "call it that." After the married guy, I started chatting with some other dude who was closer to my age and had all the superficial requirements that I look for - tall, dark, successful. We spoke on the phone a couple of times and after a long day at work, he asked me to meet him out at Starbucks. I didn't want to. I hadn't showered that day and I really didn't feel like socializing, but he was persistent about wanting to meet me, so I quickly showered, got my act together and put on a happy face. He was waiting in his car (a Lexus) when I got there and got out to greet me in the parking lot.
The exchange went a little something like this:
Me: Hi xxx! Nice to meet you.
Him: You too...it's so great to now have a face to put with a name.
Me: So, do you want to go inside and get a coffee?
Him: I can not drink another cup of coffee today.
Me: (in my head) So, why the fuck did you ask me to come out tonight and waste my time?!
Him: I just wanted to see your face.
Me: OK then. I'm going to head home.
Him: Maybe we can get together on Tuesday and go out for a nice dinner.
Me: Yeah, we'll see.
Him: It was really nice to meet you.
Me: Yup.
I got back into my car, a mere 60 seconds later and drove home. No more than 3 minutes passed when I got a text from him asking if I wanted to come over his house to watch a movie. I declined. He responded that he thought I was pretty, but he didn't want to invest any more time in chatting without seeing if I actually represented myself correctly.
I get it. I really do. I remember how I felt when I met that guy who misrepresented himself so severely that I almost threw up in my mouth. But, if I passed your little attractiveness test, then you should have just agreed to go inside the coffee shop for a few moments to get to know me a little better! Instead, you were looking for some kind of messed up booty call.
As much as I would like to say that I am done with internet dating, I still have the hope that someone will come into my life and surprise the hell out of me. Until then, I have two words that keep me going...BLOG FODDER.
Oh, and I changed my profile again to reflect more about me and my personality since trying it Arlequin's way was a huge fail. :)
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