Do these boots make me look slutty?

I sent this picture to a couple of my lady friends and asked for their opinion as to whether or not these skinny, holey jeans and boots give off an impression of sluttiness.  Or rather, "non-mommy" material. 

We all know that women take great pains when it comes to dressing for dates, because the first impression is so vitally important.  If you look hot, you feel hot and if you're feeling your date - - you might get laid! 

For me, this fashion choice was a little more...strategic.  You see, the dude as 7 kids.

Yes.  S-E-V-E-N.  From ages 4 to 23.  And, he's only 39.  (Do the math!)  So, the overall goal was to look as "non-mommy" as possible.  According to a couple of friends, the brown boots showed above were not slutty enough, so I changed into a pair of black stiletto knee high boots, and there was 100% agreement that that look was sluttier.  (Which makes me think a little, because I wear those boots almost every day!  OMG.) 

Why did I agree to go on a date with a guy who pays child support for a basketball team?  I've been on so many crappy dates recently and he seemed genuinely excited about meeting me.  Nor did he approach the subject of sex during our conversations and he didn't show me his penis.  And, hello.  FREE BEER! 

Come on.  You know you were thinking it too, by now.  As my friend likes to say, "a girl's gotta eat."  

The date, meh.  I found out that he has 3 baby-mamas to go with his commune of kids.  All 3 women he married and all of the children were planned.  Oh...and, he cheated on ALL of his wives with multiple partners.  It's very obvious that the guy can't keep his willy in his pants (or covered with a thin barrier).  For a moment, I thought that the lower portion of my outfit might work against me and make him see me as the "next mommy" but luckily he caught onto my signs of displeasure and foreseeable rejection. 

This date did get me thinking.  How much is *too much* to reveal?  Revealing that you cheated on all of your wives throughout the duration of your marriage(s) isn't really going to show you in the best of light.  I can't imagine wanting to hop right into his bed.  Or, maybe - like my "non-mommy material" boots, his revelation was his way of waving his own white flag and subliminally telling me that he wasn't interested as well.  No explanation needed. 

Dating is all about the signals, good and bad. 

On a side note - Wombat fashioned a post about sexual planning from a comment I made about one of my favorite sexual positions.  I may or may not have a slight crush on Wombat.  His use of the english language kinda makes me weak in the knees.  Check out Kiss And Blog! 

Someone pick me up off the floor - I'm laughing too hard

Just when you thought you'd seen it all and nothing could surprise you - this happens.

I got a message from a guy yesterday.  We went back and forth for a bit, then hopped onto the chat feature and took it from there.  He was very complimentary of my photos and profile and said that I seemed like a really nice girl that he was interested in getting to know better.  He asked if he could call me later that night, which I agreed to and we exchanged phone numbers.  He then asked if I had facebook, which - HELLO!  All the cool kids are on facebook...of course I am as well.  He sent a facebook friend request and I sat on that for about an hour before my own curiosity got the best of me.  I approved him, then started digging through his pictures.  (I realize that's a bit stalkerish - but I assume he was doing the same.)  Then very suddenly and without warning...he defriended me. 

I know there are some pretty ugly pictures that I've been tagged in, but really?  LOL 

So - I went back to our chat session, which had still been on-going and he had blocked me! 

I was pretty dumbfounded, to say the least.  So, shaking my head at the ridiculousness of it all, I texted him this morning.  Because, after all...he gave me his phone number.  Sucker!  So, I let my fingers do the talking. 

I really hope that if you try talking to women in the future, and if they open up a private space for you, don't use that against them.  I have no idea what made you decide that I'm not worthy to talk to, but whatever.  If you're as honest as you claim to be, I'm sure you would've told me.  And that bullshit about being raised by a single mother...shelve it please.  You have absolutely no integrity. 

And that's when I found out that *I* was the sucker!

Who is this?  I think you have the wrong number.  I'm in North Carolina and I don't know anyone in area code xxx.  Where is that anyway?

(Oh good god!  Really?  REALLY?!) 

I'm sorry!  Some guy named xxx is giving your number out on a dating site.  I apologize.  I was played.

xxx you say?  That's my son's daddy.  U must be in xxx.  He's up there visiting for wedding.  He's crazy.  He lives in NC, owns a home here.  He's just looking for a lay sounds like.  He played me too, except now we have a son together. 

(Hmmm...he told me he didn't have kids.  And, that he moved to my area several months ago and was looking for someone to show him around.)

He didn't admit to a child.  This is so fucked up!  Go onto a dating site and give your ex-girlfriend's number out?!  I'm so sorry.  I've met a number of weirdos...but he takes the cake.  I hope you don't get more girls yelling at you like I did, thinking it was him.

Wow, he is too funny.  He owns a custom home building company in Charlotte.  I know he didn't move to xxx.  He packed a suitcase for a week and has round trip airfare. I do know that he is staying at the xxx in xxx.  Hate to ask this, but are you a stripper?  He only messes with them.  Guess that's why he liked me...haha. 

(OMG!  Did he think I was a stripper?! Like a really HOT stripper, or one of those ugly-ass phone sex operator strippers with saggy boobs and a penis tucked into their asshole?) 

LOL.  That's a nice hotel.  I can't say this enough...I'm sorry you were dragged into this.  It's really unfair to you.  I still have no idea why he would give your number.  I am not a stripper, although I once took an exotic dance class...which I didn't reveal to him. 

Sweet!  Hey listen, you sound nice, if you want to talk to him on-line again, don't tell him I told you this, but he's MARRIED.  He gave you my number because he's an asshole.

(Awesome.  Married.  With a separate baby mama.  What a catch.)

WOW!!! It just keeps getting better!  LOL.  You sound like a great girl too. 

We should be facebook friends.

Let's do it.

And there you have it.  You can be anything you want on-line.  You can block, delete and defriend all day long.  But if you give out someone else's phone number, and they know your ass intimately - and it's not someone who believes in bro-code, you can't expect them to keep quiet on your douche'baggery. 

I can only hope that my new friend doesn't get herself into too much trouble, but I do have to admit that I am STILL laughing from all of these new developments and have no intention of throwing her under the bus.  Besides, I have since blocked him, so he can't see our new budding friendship develop.  :)   

It's funny...I was once afraid when I first started this blog that I wouldn't have enough stories to keep it going.  I now firmly believe that there are enough freaks and weirdos in the dating world to sustain me for a lifetime.  Now, if only Prince Charming would come down and wrap me in his golden cloak of normalcy!  However I once read somewhere that Prince Charming was gay...so that wouldn't work for me either. 

Interesting developments in the case of the creeper

Which creeper you ask? 

I know.  There's been quite a few.  I'm specifically speaking about the one last week - whom I was excited about meeting, then met and actually felt bad about the way things turned out.  I may have cried, if I remember correctly.  I know I went home feeling like a big pile of flaming dog shit.

Last night, as I was killing time and multi-tasking, I came across a profile I had not seen before. 

The skies opened up, my eyes got big, I let out a huge sigh of relief and  followed with a long drawn out chuckle.  Although I did not necessarily dodge a bullet - because, after all I still had the pleasure of meeting the kid - I did have the gumption to leave before anything bad happened to myself or my wallet.  It sounds as though others did not.

Behold the words of the vigilante*:

For those of you ladies who have had the pleasure (I mean heartache) of dating/meeting/chatting with MD198333, mrromantic0903, or now mr. romantic (aka Tim), he just changed his name, then please be aware that he is a con. He dates multiple women and doesnt use protection...if you know what I mean. His profile is false and he is nothing he claims to be. I am only here to warn as many girls that would like to be warned. If you choose to get ahold of him then good luck to you cuz he will womanize you. I am only looking out for others so they don't have to put up with his lies. But when you find out the truth, please don't say you weren't warned. Please be careful as he is also jealous, insecure and has a temper at times.
Just in case he happens to change his screen name again, his real name is Tim and he claims he is a Dr/PA/orthopedic surgeon...but he's definitely not. If you meet up with him his wallet will somehow be "lost" or his ATM accounts will be "frozen" and will not have money. He is NOT a millionaire! He will also be quick to try to kiss you or get physically involved...most likely by going to a park. I've also been informed that he also has been on craigslist, cupid.com and possibly other dating sites.

I use this blog as a means to keep myself entertained on these dates I subject myself to.  I have to admit that I love the idea of someone creating a fake profile (as a man, so the women will be the ones to see it), and letting out this guys dirty laundry!  Why had no one thought of this before?!  It really could've saved me a load of time and effort.  LOL.  Although, then there would be no juicy stories to pass on. 

I did reply to the person and told him/her of my experience and commended them on thinking of this form of communication to stop a predator.  I have received no answer yet.

*In my head, I want to think that the owner of the fake profile is this guys best friend who is looking out for the female population as a whole, because he's disgusted at how this low-life treats the fairer sex.  I may also imagine that he wears a superhero costume and has special powers, but truth of the matter is, it's probably just a woman scorned.

Real men don't eat "morsels"

I used to like morsels.  Little chocolate drops of goodness in my cookies, patented by Nestle Toll House.  Now, when I hear the word, a chill goes down my spine and gives me the willies - and all because I once went on a couple of dates with a guy who refused to eat normal sized meals.  It was just weird. 

For the record, I know that's a pretty shitty reason not to pursue a relationship with someone.  The actual excuse I gave was his clingy'ness was overwhelming - which it was - but his appetite of a bird was the true reason for the separation.  If there is one thing I know about my rules of attraction, is that I like manly men.  Manly men don't eat bite sized meals, just like they don't eat quiche...they scarf down 20 oz. steaks!  If I'm cooking for a man, I want him to eat my food with gusto and help himself to seconds, not pick at the plate like a little girl. 

We chatted for a while before meeting.  This was way before I was suckered into creating a profile on-line.  I was scoping out the awesome men on the Craigslist Personals.  (Which honestly, in my experience is creepy, but did produce better dates than the ones I met on an actual "dating site.") He was a genuinely nice guy - new to the area, a professional photographer specializing in naturalist art.  He asked me out for dinner to a lovely Thai place and thus is started.

I was famished when I arrived for the date and really excited to try their pad thai, which is one of my favorite dishes.  Even now, my mouth is watering just typing about it!  I glanced at the menu, but I knew what I had my heart set on, so when the waitress came over to take our order, I didn't hesitate at all.  Of course, this is also when I learned that you should discuss your food choice with your date.  I excitedly ordered the pad thai, extra spicy, and he ordered an appetizer. 

The thought and worry that went through my mind at that time were a little "female crazy."  Did I misunderstand him when he said he wanted to go to dinner?  Did I unknowingly order the most expensive thing on the menu?  Why isn't he eating?  Did he already peg me for someone he wasn't interested in, so he ordered something small so that he could get out the date fast?  Can he not afford this place?  I'm going to be eating in front of him while he sits and watches me!  I should've ordered something small too, because now I feel like I'm going to owe him!  God, he thinks I'm a fatso.  I know...I'll just eat half and take the rest to go - - or offer to share.  Ahhh....what if he pulls that move that you see in movies where the guy feeds the girl?  That's so stupid.  Fuck that!  If he wants to eat off my plate without swapping spit first, I'm outta here.  Oh god, my stomach just growled.  Wait!  Here comes my food! 

Yup.  That was pretty much the internal monologue I had.

And true to form, he finished his 3 dumplings first, and I ate in front of him for the next 15 minutes. 

After our plates were collected (and my leftovers put into a handy container for me to take home), I asked him why he didn't order a meal. 

"I like small morsels of food."

Honestly, I didn't know where to go from there.  Obviously, the men I've dated or had relationships in the past were great big food loving hogs - and I appreciated that.  This whole thing was so new to me, and not new in a good way.  The date ended casually, he walked me to my car and gave me a big hug before we parted ways.  I immediately texted a friend who was out with a couple of girlfriends - and met them out for a nightcap. 

"Guys...he eats morsels. What the fuck are morsels?  That's just weird."

"Stop finding the perceived negative in people and just give him a chance for fuck's sake.  You are being way to shallow." 

That's my girl...always ready to kick my ass the way real friends do.

Mr. Morsel didn't wait until the pre-requisite 3 days to call me again.  I heard from him the next day, asking me out again for the next weekend.  I swallowed my shallowness and said yes, thinking I can play this game and eat small bites too.  Funny thing, he suggested a fancier place with a well known chef who is known for their small bites - mainly a dish made of pork belly.  (Yum.  I've only heard rumors of this pork belly dish and now was excited about my own morsel experience!)

Second date was good and lasted for hours.  Plates of morsels littered our table as we both picked at the spread before us.  This date ended with a kiss, which was very nice.  It happened in the street between our cars and actually caused a pedestrian to whistle and proclaim that it was inspiring to see two people in love.  Ummm...

The getting to know you phase lasted another couple of weeks, followed by a dinner at my house, which I painstakingly prepared and filled with, you guessed it, small morsels.  That's when I realized that I hated cooking in that way and the constant state of cling'dom came on full force.  This was not going to work. 

And really, it wasn't him...it was me.  Some people have their quirks and although his as such a small drop in the bucket, I couldn't deal with it.  Food is so sensual, and the preparation of food in particular.  It's a way for me to show my desire for someone - and in this entire dating cycle, he is the only one I've ever prepared a "meal" for...and it sadly, just didn't work for me.  

Truth be told, there is someone out there that will snatch him up in a heartbeat.  That someone just wasn't me.

My 'picker' is off

I am a certified loser magnet. 

I could probably end this post right there and not continue to dwell on what happened last night, but for the sake of this blog and any other loser magnet that may stumble across these ramblings, I will write it all out. 

I went on my date last night with this guy, you know...the guy I claimed to have high hopes for?  And, I did.  Yes, there was the age difference, but at this point in the game, it really didn't matter to me that much.  We spend a good chunk of time on the phone over the last couple of days talking about the usual stuff.  He "passed" all of my pre-date requirements.  He has obviously played this game before because I was fooled.

The date was his to plan.  Being new to the area himself, I was very interested to see what he would come up with - and gave him a couple of ideas to help him along.  (ex: coffee at this really cool little place.)  Later in the day, he said to meet him in the parking lot outside of the movie theaters and we'd go from there.  Oooooo....mysterious!

Sitting through my committee meeting was torture!  I kept looking at the clock.  Luckily, I was the one running it, so I was able to keep everyone else on track and got out of there with minutes to spare.  On my way to the rendezvous, I got a text from him saying "So, I was thinking we could go to your house if we hit it off."  Ummm....no.  I explained that I wanted to have a first meeting in public and was looking forward to getting to know him. I pulled into the parking lot, found him and walked over to his car.  I sat down, and it went positively downhill from there.

The conversation went as follows:
Me: Hi, xxx.  Nice to finally meet you.
Him: Can I kiss you?
Me: Ummm...I guess.  (Thinking it would be a swift peck on the cheek.)
*insert tongue down my throat here*
Me: (pulling myself out of his grasp) I wasn't expecting that exactly.
Him: I really like you.
Me: So, what have you got planned for us?
Him: Let's go back to your place.
Me: I already told you that I'm not going to do that.  Why don't we go have a beer?
Him: I have to insert a heart cath into a patient in the morning, so I'm not drinking tonight.
Me: Oh, ok.  That's fine.  How about a cup of coffee?
Him: I don't drink caffeine at night.
Me: Did you eat dinner yet?  (Fair question...I had not, being stuck in a meeting.)
Him: Yes.  And, I'm not going to sit in a restaurant and watch you eat.  I also think it's boring to just sit and talk.  I want to do something.
Me: How about bowling?
Him: How about we just go back to your house?
Me: No.  I'm firm on that, so please respect my wishes to not bring a stranger back to my place.  I would like to sit and talk to you and get to know you better.  I've been on some pretty bad dates and I'm trying to learn from those dates.
Him: I think you're judging me for the bad dates you've been on. 
Me: I may be, and I'm sorry.  I just prefer not to be hurt.
Him: I think that we just chalk this meeting up to being two different people who want different things.
Me: OK.  So, I guess I'll just leave then.  You've already made up your mind that since I won't invite you over tonight, that you'd rather not get to know me.
Him: We can just go back to your place.
*I start digging for my keys in my bag*
Me: I'm terribly sorry if you felt you wasted your time.  If you get home and think these past ten minutes over and you'd like to actually go and do something fun to get to know each other - I'm free on Friday night. 
Him: I already told you my life story.  You know all about me.
Me: No I don't.  You can't learn about people in a couple of phone conversations.  And, it would've been nice for you to try to learn more about me.  Take care.

So - I get out of his grasp and start to walk back to my car.  What I hadn't noticed in the time I was in his car, is that it started to rain.  Without looking back, I can hear that he put his car into drive and was pulling out.  He left the parking lot before I even unlocked my car. 

His self proclaimed "maturity" went out the window.  This kid was a fool.  I was a fool.  And, what makes it more scary for me is that he was getting so aggressive - pulling my arm and locking the door - I was a little concerned for my well being.  That's a fucking HORRIBLE feeling, let me tell you.  And one reason I insist upon meeting in a public place.  If I had known that the conversation was going to go down in that way, I would've never gotten out of my car. 

Driving home, I got really angry...at myself mostly.  It seems as though every guy I get excited about, let's me down.  Is the cure to that becoming totally jaded?  How fair is it to go on a first date with someone and not at least try.  Lord knows I've been on some lousy dates, but to my credit I do really try to engage and be funny, even if I'm not feeling the person.  (Unless, you're him...then all bets are off.)  Was this just some kind of big elaborate plan just to get me into bed - be super nice for several days so my guard is down, because you are so great that I will automatically drop my panties within 5 minutes of actually meeting you?! 

I called my friend for a little feminine therapy, because sometimes it's nice to hear other people swear and make fun of people they don't know.  I then asked the age old question from most singles - "Why don't you and your husband have any cute single guy friends? Can you get on that please?"  Needless to say, that then sparked a whole facebook friend overhaul and now the quest is on to find a non-creeper for their friend Miz Adventures. 

God help us.

High hopes for date night

I have another first date tonight.  I'm trying to remain optomistic, but it really is getting a little...old.  I admit it, I'm jaded.  Completely and utterly jaded.  I'm trying so desperately not to imagine all of the bad things I know I will find in this guy - starting with his tender young age.  (Why I am attracted to guys 10 years my junior when I *know* this will not work out?!  And, why for the love of all things holy, are they attracted to me?!) 

Pro's:
He's tall.
Has a good job.
2 degrees - both in the science field, so he's intelligent.
He spells everything correctly.
He has man hands.
He volunteered in Africa building schools, so he knows how to use those man hands.
He has amazing green eyes.
He made me laugh.
He kept my attention on the phone, and offered up details about his family without hesitation. 
He's a transplant to this area, so that opens a ton of new adventure.
He lives alone.
He complimented me on my own language skills and said I had a sexy voice.
He likes sports.

Con's:
His age.  He's 26.  I'm not. 
His parents died when he was young, and he's an only child.  Not a happy childhood.
He seems a little too excited to meet me.  (This is scary.)
He had two degrees by the time he was 19.
He has three bullet wounds from doing medic work in Afganistan with the military.

The age thing has been acknowledged by both of us.  It's not that big of a deal for me now, but I can see it being one if things work out.  For him, he said that he's always gravitated towards older women because he's experienced so much in life thus far, that he has nothing in common with women his own age.  In speaking with him, he is on the more mature side...but he looks like a baby!

Hmmmm...I should probably just chill out and go with the flow, right?  Right.