I used to like morsels. Little chocolate drops of goodness in my cookies, patented by Nestle Toll House. Now, when I hear the word, a chill goes down my spine and gives me the willies - and all because I once went on a couple of dates with a guy who refused to eat normal sized meals. It was just weird.
For the record, I know that's a pretty shitty reason not to pursue a relationship with someone. The actual excuse I gave was his clingy'ness was overwhelming - which it was - but his appetite of a bird was the true reason for the separation. If there is one thing I know about my rules of attraction, is that I like manly men. Manly men don't eat bite sized meals, just like they don't eat quiche...they scarf down 20 oz. steaks! If I'm cooking for a man, I want him to eat my food with gusto and help himself to seconds, not pick at the plate like a little girl.
We chatted for a while before meeting. This was way before I was suckered into creating a profile on-line. I was scoping out the awesome men on the Craigslist Personals. (Which honestly, in my experience is creepy, but did produce better dates than the ones I met on an actual "dating site.") He was a genuinely nice guy - new to the area, a professional photographer specializing in naturalist art. He asked me out for dinner to a lovely Thai place and thus is started.
I was famished when I arrived for the date and really excited to try their pad thai, which is one of my favorite dishes. Even now, my mouth is watering just typing about it! I glanced at the menu, but I knew what I had my heart set on, so when the waitress came over to take our order, I didn't hesitate at all. Of course, this is also when I learned that you should discuss your food choice with your date. I excitedly ordered the pad thai, extra spicy, and he ordered an appetizer.
The thought and worry that went through my mind at that time were a little "female crazy." Did I misunderstand him when he said he wanted to go to dinner? Did I unknowingly order the most expensive thing on the menu? Why isn't he eating? Did he already peg me for someone he wasn't interested in, so he ordered something small so that he could get out the date fast? Can he not afford this place? I'm going to be eating in front of him while he sits and watches me! I should've ordered something small too, because now I feel like I'm going to owe him! God, he thinks I'm a fatso. I know...I'll just eat half and take the rest to go - - or offer to share. Ahhh....what if he pulls that move that you see in movies where the guy feeds the girl? That's so stupid. Fuck that! If he wants to eat off my plate without swapping spit first, I'm outta here. Oh god, my stomach just growled. Wait! Here comes my food!
Yup. That was pretty much the internal monologue I had.
And true to form, he finished his 3 dumplings first, and I ate in front of him for the next 15 minutes.
After our plates were collected (and my leftovers put into a handy container for me to take home), I asked him why he didn't order a meal.
"I like small morsels of food."
Honestly, I didn't know where to go from there. Obviously, the men I've dated or had relationships in the past were great big food loving hogs - and I appreciated that. This whole thing was so new to me, and not new in a good way. The date ended casually, he walked me to my car and gave me a big hug before we parted ways. I immediately texted a friend who was out with a couple of girlfriends - and met them out for a nightcap.
"Guys...he eats morsels. What the fuck are morsels? That's just weird."
"Stop finding the perceived negative in people and just give him a chance for fuck's sake. You are being way to shallow."
That's my girl...always ready to kick my ass the way real friends do.
Mr. Morsel didn't wait until the pre-requisite 3 days to call me again. I heard from him the next day, asking me out again for the next weekend. I swallowed my shallowness and said yes, thinking I can play this game and eat small bites too. Funny thing, he suggested a fancier place with a well known chef who is known for their small bites - mainly a dish made of pork belly. (Yum. I've only heard rumors of this pork belly dish and now was excited about my own morsel experience!)
Second date was good and lasted for hours. Plates of morsels littered our table as we both picked at the spread before us. This date ended with a kiss, which was very nice. It happened in the street between our cars and actually caused a pedestrian to whistle and proclaim that it was inspiring to see two people in love. Ummm...
The getting to know you phase lasted another couple of weeks, followed by a dinner at my house, which I painstakingly prepared and filled with, you guessed it, small morsels. That's when I realized that I hated cooking in that way and the constant state of cling'dom came on full force. This was not going to work.
And really, it wasn't him...it was me. Some people have their quirks and although his as such a small drop in the bucket, I couldn't deal with it. Food is so sensual, and the preparation of food in particular. It's a way for me to show my desire for someone - and in this entire dating cycle, he is the only one I've ever prepared a "meal" for...and it sadly, just didn't work for me.
Truth be told, there is someone out there that will snatch him up in a heartbeat. That someone just wasn't me.
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