(The first of this post was written on 6/20 and I shelved it because I've been so busy. Since last night, there have been some new developments, so I decided to pick up where I left off and make this some kind of running commentary, which I'm sure will end as all the others have - badly.)
The guy who I thought was so great? Kind of a douchebag. Of course, not the initial impression he gave me or the last he tried to leave me with, but a complete self-centered douche just the same.
The message I received via text: "I like certain things and I want to meet someone who shares the same so I don't have to ask or change anything they don't want to. I'm just looking for my perfect match."
My GOODNESS Miz Adventures! Did you punch a baby in his presence? Kick a puppy? What in the world is he talking about?
Pubes.
A red flag was raised after our initial meeting when the topic of public hair came up, which I noted on here. Let's not discuss how slightly inappropriate such conversation is on the first date because I think I was the one who inquired about his body hair - though, in my defense it was centered around the chest and not the nether-regions.
It is true that I love guys to be natural. Shaved balls aren't my thing. In my humble opinion, the only place on a guy where there should be stubble, is on their face. However, after saying that, I have never turned my nose up in the heat of the moment when seeing a completely bare-down-there guy. I get that even if it's not my thing, it might be there's. Some guys (falsely) believe that they look bigger if they're shaved. I've heard others say that sex feels better and is more sanitary - but really, sex isn't supposed to be sanitary...it's supposed to be messy and uninhibited and fun. I don't really need the excuses or justifications from the male species. If you prefer it, you prefer it...case closed. However, if you're going to use my own personal hair style as a way to end something, it's probably best that happen up front, because I don't want to waste my time on you...better yet, I'll make it easy for you. You're a superficial douche.
Disclaimer for my actual real-life friends...you may want to skip down a paragraph or you will read all about my private parts. Starting NOW...I sport a small triangle on top, and no hair anywhere else. My triangle is probably an inch wide and is trimmed pretty close so that it's actually just a shadow. I've been bare before and for some reason each time I became so self conscience that I couldn't relax and enjoy myself. My triangle makes me feel like a fucking sexy woman and for some reason gives me an extreme amount of confidence.
However, that being said - if I found the right guy, and he asked me to take it all off, I would. It's not a fight worth fighting. I'm a pleaser and I would do just about anything to make my man happy, as I'm sure he would do to return the favor to me. But, I'm not going to jump the gun and change myself for someone who just wants a bare girl.
Just for shits and giggles, I emailed Claudy, a man who's dating blog I enjoy because I wanted a male perspective, other than the Pube-Nazi's. His response? "To me one of the key philosophies in life is the freedom of the individual and their right to self-government. And I can't really think of anything more private and sacrosanct than your body, especially the private parts. That's why they're called PRIVATE PARTS! :D Showing them and sharing them with someone should be seen as a huge privilege and honour by the other person. So you can probably guess how I see demands made by other people involving your private parts. I think if a person makes implicit demands about them, it just shows how shallow they are."
Well said, case closed in my book. And, for the record - the Pube-Nazi never even saw my lower private parts, although I did see his. *wink, wink*
"I hope you find her." My simple, slightly passive-aggressive response to which there was no reply back from him.
I did say case closed, right? Well, like about 95% of the men I have met on-line, he came back. Men (and women - I'm guilty of this myself) are always looking for someone better, especially when there's such a large sea of people to fish for. Don't get me wrong, it's quite an ego booster to know that yeah...you had me at hello for the most part, and fucked it up. I'm a special kind of woman because I'm normal and not a psycho. Sometimes, I ignore the little messages telling me how great, beautiful, normal, funny, etc. they think I am - because, let's face it, most don't even know me well enough to say anything deeper. Sometimes, I play into it. Like last night, around midnight.
Him: "Hey beautiful, I like the new picture. You are so smart and pretty. I'm sure you're doing quite OK in the men department. I really wanted you that last night we were together."
Me: "Oh really? Your last text message didn't indicate that."
Him: "Can we try again?"
I'm super physically attracted to this guy. Like, thinking about him makes my heart beat faster and causes me to have to change my panties, even though I now know he's a total douchebag. I want to sleep with him. There, I said it. And, the thing is...I kind of only want to sleep with him because I know I don't want any kind of relationship with him. I just want to give him a great night of mind-blowing sex, then leave while he's sleeping and have that be his last memory of me.
Yes, I've gone all black widow.
Stay tuned.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Where have you been?
I know that I will absolutely jinx myself by typing it out loud, but I met a boy I like.
Superficially speaking, he has all of the requirements I'm looking for in a mate. He's tall (6'3''), has all his hair, a gorgeous smile, arms for days, a hairy chest (yay!) and made me laugh with his quick wit and humor. Plus, he works with his hands, drives a pick up truck, is father to a couple of dogs, close to my age, never married and has zero children. He's also taken by me and told me so, both in person and via text - although I wonder if he really is, or if he just wants to get into my pants.
He is the kind of guy that I feel like a million bucks standing next to, because he is so darn good looking. He's also the kind of guy that I would totally want to flaunt to my friends. (That sounds horrible - but I just think back to this guy and how uncomfortable I was even thinking about that.) I personally feel that we are a decent match.
Our make-out session, which happened back at his place, was tender and exciting. He's a great kisser, and although I did allow his hands to wander a little bit, we both kept our underthings on and pulled up. (I had to hold myself back!) I could feel what he was packing and I know I will be quite happy with it.
There are some red flags though - and please...if anyone thinks I am being retarded, just say so!
Superficially speaking, he has all of the requirements I'm looking for in a mate. He's tall (6'3''), has all his hair, a gorgeous smile, arms for days, a hairy chest (yay!) and made me laugh with his quick wit and humor. Plus, he works with his hands, drives a pick up truck, is father to a couple of dogs, close to my age, never married and has zero children. He's also taken by me and told me so, both in person and via text - although I wonder if he really is, or if he just wants to get into my pants.
He is the kind of guy that I feel like a million bucks standing next to, because he is so darn good looking. He's also the kind of guy that I would totally want to flaunt to my friends. (That sounds horrible - but I just think back to this guy and how uncomfortable I was even thinking about that.) I personally feel that we are a decent match.
Our make-out session, which happened back at his place, was tender and exciting. He's a great kisser, and although I did allow his hands to wander a little bit, we both kept our underthings on and pulled up. (I had to hold myself back!) I could feel what he was packing and I know I will be quite happy with it.
There are some red flags though - and please...if anyone thinks I am being retarded, just say so!
- His name reminds me of someone I HATE with a passion.
- He is in the same kind of work as my ex - which led to a lot of frustration over long, strange hours and unfinished projects.
- He likes women who sport a very "clean" hairstyle in a very private place.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Can we just date via text message?
It always amazes me how incredibly wrong I can be about someone. Take Friday's date for instance. This guy was everything I wanted on paper - tall, intelligent, funny, athletic, gentlemanly and good looking...a country boy from South Carolina, recently transplanted in my town for work. Our texting relationship was filled with funny antidotes that would made me giggle and yearn for more.
And, then I met him.
I received a follow up email on Sunday afternoon. He wanted to let me know that he had a lot of fun (HUH?) and asked me if I'd like to go on another date this Friday (WHAT?!).
My firm, no-nonsense reply - something I'm getting quite good at - and some insight on what happened to turn me off to this person so completely:
And, then I met him.
I received a follow up email on Sunday afternoon. He wanted to let me know that he had a lot of fun (HUH?) and asked me if I'd like to go on another date this Friday (WHAT?!).
My firm, no-nonsense reply - something I'm getting quite good at - and some insight on what happened to turn me off to this person so completely:
I'm actually kind of surprised to hear from you.
I'm going to be honest, because I feel like you deserve that. I was really looking forward to meeting you. You seemed like a really nice, intelligent and fun guy. I was disappointed in the 'date.' I guess I expected that for a couple of hours I would have your attention so we could get to know each other. You didn't offer much up, was drunk before I even go there, and I felt like I was talking to myself because you were constantly playing with your phone and destroying the table.
I thought it was weird that 3 of your buddies came out...but even weirder yet when I came back from dropping my food off at my car and using the bathroom that everyone had a drink and you failed to order one for me. It was nice that everyone who showed up was nice and included me in the conversation, because you payed absolutely no attention to me otherwise. The deal breaker was when you very loudly said 'whoa...nice boobs' when another girl walked out if the bathroom in front of us, so you obviously didn't take the date too seriously.
I thank you for dinner, but I don't think we would make a good match.
I'm going to be honest, because I feel like you deserve that. I was really looking forward to meeting you. You seemed like a really nice, intelligent and fun guy. I was disappointed in the 'date.' I guess I expected that for a couple of hours I would have your attention so we could get to know each other. You didn't offer much up, was drunk before I even go there, and I felt like I was talking to myself because you were constantly playing with your phone and destroying the table.
I thought it was weird that 3 of your buddies came out...but even weirder yet when I came back from dropping my food off at my car and using the bathroom that everyone had a drink and you failed to order one for me. It was nice that everyone who showed up was nice and included me in the conversation, because you payed absolutely no attention to me otherwise. The deal breaker was when you very loudly said 'whoa...nice boobs' when another girl walked out if the bathroom in front of us, so you obviously didn't take the date too seriously.
I thank you for dinner, but I don't think we would make a good match.
(Insert a heavy dose of sarcasm.) Doesn't that date sound absolutely amazing?! Can I just explain that I was so excited about this date that I got home from work, showered and changed outfits about 20 times? I wanted to make a great first impression. Silly Miz Adventures!
He responded by apologizing for being a prick. (His word, not mine, although it does fit nicely.)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Miz A isn't following her rules too well...
You know Rule #3, Quality over Quantity? Yeah well, since I'm having a hard time finding Quality, I might as well pursue Quantity. After all, maybe internet dating plays by the 10% rule - - out of every 10 dates, only 1 will be good. That seems so sad.
I have a full weekend booked, starting today:
Thursday - outdoor free concert, followed by drinks at a local pub with a guy I met last week at the dog park. He's too young and short for me, and he already told me that he doesn't like sex - so this is a courtesy date, because sex is too important for me to give up and I'm too old to be a teacher. Ha!
Friday - dinner and drinks at a local brewery with a guy that I'm very interested in meeting. I'm definitely getting the "fun" vibe from him, especially when he recounted his tales of his Memorial Day Weekend. If I know myself like I think I do, I will probably arrive with great expectations and be disappointed. The only thing that I will be keen on, is that I've met several people at this particular hot spot and the last time I was on a blind date there, a guy I had previously met was also sitting at the bar, staring. Awkward!!!!
Saturday - movies with the Pilot, a man which I have yet to blog about. That's forthcoming.
Sunday - destination and activity yet to be determined with a bodybuilder who also goes to my gym and often does cardio on the treadmills right by the yoga room so I can see his face in the mirror. I'm hoping this second date will be less of an interview, like the first one was. He's totally my type though - tall, dark and handsome with a killer body and NO KIDS or ex wives. I may also try to fit an afternoon date in on Sunday as well, because you know...go big or go home.
"Miz A, you are a playa!" ~ my sister
Yes. Yes, I am...but not by the Urban Dictionary, whose definition says "A male who uses women for sex or other favors usually by charming the girl till they fall in love with them. A lot of guys do this in order to be a "playa" cuz in our modern society it is (by idiotic dickheads) "cool" and "hip" to be labeled as a "playa". A female version of this would be slut." Wait? What?!
It's funny that I am playing the field as much as any guy out there, and I am labeled a slut, because I don't have a penis (that you know of! LOL). It's true that I have had a couple of one-night stands...but it's also true that I have held my vagina in high regard and have tried to find someone worthy of it's greatness. It sickens me that sexual labels are handed out like candy and often times, it's the women who a given a demeaning name. Labelers need to grow up and realize that women are sexual beings who should not be thumbed down!
However, that being said, I totally rejected someone based on their sexual background...or rather, the sexual background that he admitted to me...after I joked that I would go out with him for "research". Which included a stint as a Chippendale dancer. Naturally, because I've seen quite a bit of porn, my first question after that reveal was "So, have you ever had sex at a party in front of everyone?" The answer was a YES - in capitals. With an explanation about how exciting it was, followed by a picture of his cock (which wasn't that impressive) and an explicit proposition. I'm pretty sure that he probably has a video of himself somewhere on the internet, and who knows, I may have seen it. Too forward, too creepy, too dangerous for me.
I have a full weekend booked, starting today:
Thursday - outdoor free concert, followed by drinks at a local pub with a guy I met last week at the dog park. He's too young and short for me, and he already told me that he doesn't like sex - so this is a courtesy date, because sex is too important for me to give up and I'm too old to be a teacher. Ha!
Friday - dinner and drinks at a local brewery with a guy that I'm very interested in meeting. I'm definitely getting the "fun" vibe from him, especially when he recounted his tales of his Memorial Day Weekend. If I know myself like I think I do, I will probably arrive with great expectations and be disappointed. The only thing that I will be keen on, is that I've met several people at this particular hot spot and the last time I was on a blind date there, a guy I had previously met was also sitting at the bar, staring. Awkward!!!!
Saturday - movies with the Pilot, a man which I have yet to blog about. That's forthcoming.
Sunday - destination and activity yet to be determined with a bodybuilder who also goes to my gym and often does cardio on the treadmills right by the yoga room so I can see his face in the mirror. I'm hoping this second date will be less of an interview, like the first one was. He's totally my type though - tall, dark and handsome with a killer body and NO KIDS or ex wives. I may also try to fit an afternoon date in on Sunday as well, because you know...go big or go home.
"Miz A, you are a playa!" ~ my sister
Yes. Yes, I am...but not by the Urban Dictionary, whose definition says "A male who uses women for sex or other favors usually by charming the girl till they fall in love with them. A lot of guys do this in order to be a "playa" cuz in our modern society it is (by idiotic dickheads) "cool" and "hip" to be labeled as a "playa". A female version of this would be slut." Wait? What?!
It's funny that I am playing the field as much as any guy out there, and I am labeled a slut, because I don't have a penis (that you know of! LOL). It's true that I have had a couple of one-night stands...but it's also true that I have held my vagina in high regard and have tried to find someone worthy of it's greatness. It sickens me that sexual labels are handed out like candy and often times, it's the women who a given a demeaning name. Labelers need to grow up and realize that women are sexual beings who should not be thumbed down!
However, that being said, I totally rejected someone based on their sexual background...or rather, the sexual background that he admitted to me...after I joked that I would go out with him for "research". Which included a stint as a Chippendale dancer. Naturally, because I've seen quite a bit of porn, my first question after that reveal was "So, have you ever had sex at a party in front of everyone?" The answer was a YES - in capitals. With an explanation about how exciting it was, followed by a picture of his cock (which wasn't that impressive) and an explicit proposition. I'm pretty sure that he probably has a video of himself somewhere on the internet, and who knows, I may have seen it. Too forward, too creepy, too dangerous for me.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Being stood up, revisited
Since things aren't working out with the Cub, and the Forehead Kisser got offered a job in Atlanta and will be packing up and leaving town in as little as two weeks, I decided that Memorial Day weekend would be FILLED with many first dates...and so it was. But I digress, because there is one incident that I couldn't wait to blog about.
I got a message that literally made my blood start to boil. Remember this guy? The asshole that stood me up to my face? He came out of the woodwork this weekend.
(Pause, pause, pause. Here is the internal struggle with answering this email. Men are idiots. Did this guy accidentally contact me because he didn't recognize my new picture, or because he's offering an olive branch, or because him standing me up didn't even make a blip on his radar? Hmmmm...)
Him: lol....your attitude is priceless....look you seemed like a cool chick...I'm sorry I stood you up...we are both still on here so maybe we should try again? how about I make it up to you and take you for a ride on my Harley today?
Me: Thank you, but no thanks. You have yourself a good holiday weekend.
(Repeat 4 more times with the same kind of plea.)
I think that someone's bad karma is catching up with them and that makes me giddy with happiness. (Which is probably bad karma for me.) I would love to know WHY he contacted me again and why he thought I would jump at the chance to put my life in the hands of a stranger.
I got a message that literally made my blood start to boil. Remember this guy? The asshole that stood me up to my face? He came out of the woodwork this weekend.
Him: What's new with you?
(Pause, pause, pause. Here is the internal struggle with answering this email. Men are idiots. Did this guy accidentally contact me because he didn't recognize my new picture, or because he's offering an olive branch, or because him standing me up didn't even make a blip on his radar? Hmmmm...)
Me: Are you kidding me?
You stood me up...to my face when we had plans to meet for the Syracuse vs. UConn game. Remember? You were sitting at the bar, wearing an Orange sweater, I walked in with a black coat on, you have me a look of disgust, shook your head and turned your back.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that you're less of a man, and cheap to boot, and couldn't buy me a $5 beer (which I bought for myself because I wasn't going to walk into a bar and walk back out), or that you texted me saying you were on your way AFTER you rejected me making me believe that I was some kind of
blind, dumb idiot. And please don't try to say it wasn't you...not only were you easy to pick out of a crowd, but I heard someone call you by your name.
That's some kind of game you have there. Honestly, if you didn't find me physically attractive, you should've just sucked it up, bought me a beer and said that you didn't feel we were a match. It happens, and its a lot easier to swallow than what you pulled, which really hurt my feelings.
You stood me up...to my face when we had plans to meet for the Syracuse vs. UConn game. Remember? You were sitting at the bar, wearing an Orange sweater, I walked in with a black coat on, you have me a look of disgust, shook your head and turned your back.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that you're less of a man, and cheap to boot, and couldn't buy me a $5 beer (which I bought for myself because I wasn't going to walk into a bar and walk back out), or that you texted me saying you were on your way AFTER you rejected me making me believe that I was some kind of
blind, dumb idiot. And please don't try to say it wasn't you...not only were you easy to pick out of a crowd, but I heard someone call you by your name.
That's some kind of game you have there. Honestly, if you didn't find me physically attractive, you should've just sucked it up, bought me a beer and said that you didn't feel we were a match. It happens, and its a lot easier to swallow than what you pulled, which really hurt my feelings.
Him: I honestly didn't go to the bar that night....I would tell you if I did....I had several bad dates off here and figured when we were going to meet it was going to be another one....but that really wasn't me...I'm sorry for standing you up...
Me: I wish I was born yesterday, so I believed you. Regardless, you wasted my time and made me feel worthless. Just for the record, I'm not a bad date. I'm fun, sometimes silly and an excellent conversationalist. I
could have a good time with a rock. But that's ok...after I finished the beer I bought for myself, I went home, put on the sexist dress in my closet - the one that shows off my cleavage - and headed out to the fundraiser that I was going to skip to go out with you. It ended up being a good night.
could have a good time with a rock. But that's ok...after I finished the beer I bought for myself, I went home, put on the sexist dress in my closet - the one that shows off my cleavage - and headed out to the fundraiser that I was going to skip to go out with you. It ended up being a good night.
Him: lol....your attitude is priceless....look you seemed like a cool chick...I'm sorry I stood you up...we are both still on here so maybe we should try again? how about I make it up to you and take you for a ride on my Harley today?
Me: Thank you, but no thanks. You have yourself a good holiday weekend.
Him: I won't stand you up.....are you afraid to ride on the Harley? Please? I'd really like to meet you.
Him: Just give me a second chance.
(Repeat 4 more times with the same kind of plea.)
I think that someone's bad karma is catching up with them and that makes me giddy with happiness. (Which is probably bad karma for me.) I would love to know WHY he contacted me again and why he thought I would jump at the chance to put my life in the hands of a stranger.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Mr. Could-You-Be-More-Wrong?
So, there's this really cute guy that just moved to the area.
He can't drive in a neighboring State until 2015 because he got a DWI.
And, he was a Chippendale's dancer.
I'm going to take one for the team and go on a date with this guy this weekend because I just know there's going to be a great blog post out of it. It's research. You can thank me later.
He can't drive in a neighboring State until 2015 because he got a DWI.
And, he was a Chippendale's dancer.
I'm going to take one for the team and go on a date with this guy this weekend because I just know there's going to be a great blog post out of it. It's research. You can thank me later.
Monday, May 23, 2011
G-O-O-G-L-E
"Research me, you'll find me...click those keys and google me."
I've been googled! I must say, it is very unsettling to go out on a date with someone and have them bring up things you know you haven't shared with them because they googled your name, or found your profile on Facebook.
Now, don't get me wrong - I've googled many a first date. But, I don't get all stalker'ish and bring up any of my findings or pretend that I know them as well as I know my best friend because I saw some college pictures of them in a random newspaper story on-line! What made it even creepier is that this particular person found another blog I write, went through the entire thing (I started it in 2007) and gave me a handwritten page of grammatical, spelling and punctuation corrections that he said he "noticed." I've never felt the need to bounce out of a bar so quickly -- and I might actually have to give up that bar now because he revealed that he frequents the place often and has actually seen me on dates.
That sucks.
I wonder what kind of upbringing someone experienced to be such a weirdo? Although I didn't ask...I'd put money on the fact that this guy probably lives in his mother's basement and kills cats.
I've been googled! I must say, it is very unsettling to go out on a date with someone and have them bring up things you know you haven't shared with them because they googled your name, or found your profile on Facebook.
Now, don't get me wrong - I've googled many a first date. But, I don't get all stalker'ish and bring up any of my findings or pretend that I know them as well as I know my best friend because I saw some college pictures of them in a random newspaper story on-line! What made it even creepier is that this particular person found another blog I write, went through the entire thing (I started it in 2007) and gave me a handwritten page of grammatical, spelling and punctuation corrections that he said he "noticed." I've never felt the need to bounce out of a bar so quickly -- and I might actually have to give up that bar now because he revealed that he frequents the place often and has actually seen me on dates.
That sucks.
I wonder what kind of upbringing someone experienced to be such a weirdo? Although I didn't ask...I'd put money on the fact that this guy probably lives in his mother's basement and kills cats.
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